I see dirty things.....

Posted by on 20 May, 2009

It struck me on Sunday as I stood sleeves up at the sink washing up after another meal a la Sadie the cleaning lady that I have a fairly major visual impairment or am suffering from extreme hallucinations.

I see dirty things. I see mess everywhere and clearly I am totally deranged because I am the only one in our entire household who does so. I am convinced there are dirty dishes in the sink, that clothes and toys stare up at me from the floor, that there’s an overflowing washing basket yonder in our laundry and that there’s a mere brown cardboard cylinder on the toilet roll holder, which (I am convinced) is not a roll of toilet paper. What’s wrong with me?

Occasionally I try to reboot my head by sitting like everybody else at my home and watching some chillingly zombifying television program in the hope that, if I too zone out, I will be able to uninstall the refuse window of my mind. But it’s no use. My eyes wander, and within minutes I’m up removing another load of laundry from the line to make way for the next batch - or sweeping the lunch leftovers off the floor.

There are seven other people who live in my house, plus at least three or four other temporary teenaged lodgers at any given time, not to mention a highly strung dog - none of whom notice the imaginary chaos I see.

I could assume it’s a gender issue but there are four other girls in our home, apart from Fluffy and none of them have any objections to seven days worth of used underpants forming a somewhat colourful and textured carpet on their floor. Clean teeth?? What on earth for? You’re just going to smear them with lunch in a couple of hours anyway. I am sure I belong in an asylum.

I suspect there might be a poltergeist in my house because the affliction only ever occurs when I’m at home. At work, when pounding the pavement with my iPod in my ears, in any restaurant or café, or at any of my family or friends’ places….. the condition is… miraculously gone!

It’s a dreadful sickness, I tell you! I’m a doctor. I should be able to cure these delusions but they have the better of me. I think the answer could in a plane ticket (to anywhere.) Worth a shot! Melbourne here I come!